Comments on: Installment #3

By: Shannon Smith

Shannon Smith — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:31:34 +0000

I’ve been reading since the beginning, but I don’t think I’ve commented yet. Regardless, I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t get confused by the shirts and all that. LOL

Great story and looking forward to the coming “chapters” and where it all leads.

By: annie

annie — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 06:21:57 +0000

Hmmm … Well I’m getting to it after your edits. Keeping the men straight was a wee bit confusing. I liked identifying them by their shirts, but it does make it tricky to transition to real names. That, and only two were introduced by their shirts, and two by their names (however one was introduced by both). Sounds like a logic puzzle. My opinion (right now) would be to introduce all by one method only for right now. Either all by name or all by shirt. And since it’s not reasonable for her to actually be introduced to all, given the setting, and probably wouldn’t remember them all if she were … it seems shirts are more likely. Or if not shirt, then something notable about them.

What would I like the men to do. Well, her keys are locked in her car … so they should help her get them out. Which (I think) may be simple for one of them. But it seems as if their story is on pause for the time being as Allison is leaving. Right? Or are you switching POVs?

By: Kathleen MacIver

Kathleen MacIver — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 17:47:05 +0000

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I edited that section a little, and I think it reads a little smoother.

It’s very interesting to see how you all are interpreting those sounds!

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By: Odee

Odee — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 15:06:57 +0000

I had only a brief confusion between Mr’s Grey and White Tee-Shirts. The dialogue carried along pretty smoothly, as did the scene setting.

Allison’s shy “interest” in her hero to be might show as her noticing/feeling a “change in the local temperature” …were she to complain about the chill of Scotland weather. “Was it her imagination, or did the air suddenly turn warmer?”
*shrugs… just a thought.

I would like to see Iain help her with the car, but Tristan be her begrudging hero.

By: angie

angie — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 13:19:03 +0000

i liked the bit bout the shirts and yes i did get confused, i would like iain to help her

By: Holli

Holli — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 05:07:19 +0000

I agree that the shirt thing is really confusing.. especially trying to match the name with the shirt color after they are introduced. I really liked this part,tho!

And I think that being blacksmiths they would be great at making a jimmystick to pick the car lock! Maybe Tristan could help (since he is the most helpful it seems).. and while he’s picking the lock he could give her some clues maybe or tips on how to get thru to his brother (Iain)… maybe just enough of a hint of foreshadowing to keep her very curious about them and inpetus to “discover their secret”….

By: Pat

Pat — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:51:26 +0000

Okay, yes, the shirts made it a wee bit confusing. Although they look very much alike, you might want to give each a distinctive characteristic when next we meet them–individually, one would hope *g*. (Heck, from the sounds of them, in real life sounds like a plan!)

You really did an excellent job, Kathleen, and this is shaping into an excellent story. Keep up the good work.